For today......

Outside My Window...  Blue skies, white fluffy clouds and a lovely cool breeze.

I am thinking...  That I need to let go.  I need to move on.  I need to wake up to the fact that he is not the man I was married to.  This new man is not nice, not loving, not thoughtful, not a Dad, not there!!  This weekend was the last straw.  It really comes to something when I am saying that I love him and want him back and our own children are telling me I am stupid and even my 8 year old is asking me why on earth I would want a man who treats me so badly!  My hair stylist was also telling me I was crazy to want him back.  EVERYONE is telling me how stupid I am.  I KNOW this....I know he's an idiot - I know he's horrible and rude and arrogant and selfish and he treats us all terribly and all he thinks about is money and the way he looks and he's obsessed with work and his car.  And I really do know that I'm happier without him and things here are so more relaxed and I'm actually saving money without him and I'm financially better off without him and I'm more independent without him and I have more FUN!!  So WHY???  Why do I still think I need him or want him back????  I'm crazy and stupid :(  Why do I think I love him and want him back?????  Is it habit???  What is it????  He actually just annoys the crap out of me now.  What I really want is the OLD Lloyd....the nice Lloyd.....but he isn't ever coming back and the new Lloyd is complete and utter tosser and arrogant pig who doesn't give a crap about his kids or anyone.  If it wasn't for me he wouldn't even see them.......every two weeks...and then only to go to the movies or bowling which bored the kids silly and meant he didn't have to speak to them.  


Ok....sorry....but this is my blog and I just needed to VENT.......better here than FB lol!!!

I am thankful for...how much we were laughing at 2am this morning after Christie and Sid got back from Big Valley with the girls.....I haven't laughed quite so hard in a long time - and I laugh a LOT!!!  But I was rolling with laughter and crying and thought I was going to pee myself!!  After a difficult evening dealing with Lloyd it was a wonderful release.

From the kitchen... it's Summer, we're out a lot....not much happening in the kitchen apart from fun stuff from the kids....cupcakes in mugs etc etc....ice cream sundaes......lemonade....etc etc...

I am wearing...as always I'm still in bed....so the usual ;)


I am creating...in my head...and that is about it right now.....it's Summer, life is busy....we're out a lot....


I am going...to try book Canmore for the end of the month....if we can fit it in...but life seems to keep getting in the way :(
I am reading...still continuing the same books as last week - haven't had much time to read this week as it's been so busy.....but I have added one more book to the mix 'In Morries Own Words'....

I am hoping...life gets a little quieter soon...and back to normal.


I am hearing... the children playing in their bedroom....Danika playing with Sam.....Susannah being grouchy after two late nights....the breeze through the window...

Around the house... dog hair from Sugar....clutter....mess....I'm too busy much of the time to get caught up.  Lloyd has agreed to send in cleaners weekly after I complained that he does nothing to help and has left me with EVERYTHING to do - a house to renovate, the kids, the acreage, the animals everything!!  He doesn't even see the kids very often - every two weeks for a few hours - never even overnight!!  So instead of actually putting in any effort himself he said he'd send in a cleaner.  Fine!!!  Whatever!!

One of my favorite things... sitting on my bed with my laptop.  Its where I relax.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week... no idea.  I'm not planning....i'll take it as it comes - but I just hope life is going to be quieter, get back to normal and slow down.  I need peace.