Mar 20, 2011

If a pictures says a thousand words......


I wonder what this one says....I snapped it in a coffee shop several weeks ago....I was actually in a really really good mood, but look soooo miserable :)  But I just love this picture :)  I think because I don't think it looks much like me.....and because it's DARK.....in a gloomy dark moody kind of way ;)
Sometimes when I'm trying to snap a picture of myself with the iphone I concentrate so hard I forget to smile ;)


One of my new most favourite things to do.....




....is sit in a coffee shop, preferably in a corner or at a window table.....and journal while I drink my London Fog....I carry a little wallet in bag that has a Moleskine journal, some markers and my scissors and glue.  Sadly I forgot I had my scissors with me when I went to court a few weeks ago downtown, and security took them from me on my way in to the courthouse :(  sniff sniff :(  My good Stampin Up snippets!!  They wouldn't give them back to me afterwards either :(  
Life as a single Mom can be stressful, going through a divorce can be stressful, so I have found ways that are easy to switch off from the stress of life that are healthy and make me feel good without costing the earth.  One of these is my journaling over coffee :)  A couple of hours by myself, writing, listening, thinking......and all is good with my world :)

Homeschooling continues.......











...and both Abigail and Sam are doing really great!!  I love the person Abigail is becoming....she is such a character with real confidence and we get along so well.  She has an amazing imagination and such an incredible memory...some of the things she tells me really shock me.  We have long talks about all kinds of things.  We have so much in common but I love how independent she is and how she knows her own mind....if she doesn't like something or doesn't want to do something she is more than happy to say so.  She loves thrift stores and like me, she likes to hunt for furniture that she can alter.  She loves pottery and other arts and talks of being an artist.  She has been obsessed with dog training lately and has been reading endless books and websites on how to train Rosie and teach her tricks.  We have a field trip to the humane society booked and I'm hoping to plan some other trips to do with animals as soon as she is over the flu.  
Sam is learning to read and write and is doing sooooo well.  He loves spelling tests and often gets them all correct.  He loves to journal and has his own Moleskine that he doodles in and will then write in too - he has other journals that he writes endlessly in and always takes one out with him so he can write if he has time.  His reading is going well too and he is really enjoying it.  
We are all taking an online art journaling class at the moment called 'out of the blue' which is based on colour.....the children are enjoying that.  Abigail and I also took a doodling class.  I have signed Abigail up for some online lessons in science and history.  
We have an AMAZING new library and community centre/ art gallery in our town now and we are making the most of it - we head to the library about twice a week and spend the entire afternoon there.  I journal or read, Sam will play, read, journal, draw, use the computers....Abigail will chat to the librarians...go off and buy herself a drink (there is a cafe in there), find friends, use the computers, read, journal, do work, draw......they even have a games corner with endless board games to choose from and lots of comfy chairs and beanbags...it is right next to Lauries school so we tend to hang out until he finishes school and then he comes to meet us.  I really wasn't keen on the library moving from the mall, but now we have seen the difference, I am soooooo happy they moved!!!  And they are opening an Education Station right next door too!!
A few weeks ago we watched a school class being shown around the library - the kids looked bored, most of them didn't look as though they had ever been in the library or had any interest.  They were being marched along like soldiers and being told the most obvious things.  They were the same age as Abigail roughly.  I saw a few of them watching Abigail.  Abby was really puzzled by the idea of them having a field trip to the library and the idea that they don't all get to use the library with their families. Abby walks around the library like she owns it...looks up books on the computers, asks librarians to search for things for her.....requests books and dvd's they don't have...I'm always finding her deep in conversation with librarians...or one will come up to us as we're leaving and call out to say she has found such and such for Abigail after all!!  
Bad weather and illness has caused us to miss out on many field trips and playdates lately.  We haven't even been to the library for our normal visits for a couple of weeks.  I'm hoping that now Spring is here we will all be healthy and the weather will improve to let us get back out there to see everyone!!

ps. The picture at the top is my favourite.  I love that Abigail has her own style and isn't afraid to wear it. The second picture is also one I love - it shows the bliss that IS homeschooling!
 :)  

I restored my soul......





I took part in a 6+ week art therapy class called 'Soul Restoration, that I am continuing to work through.
Some of the work we had to do was extremely emotional and exhausting.  Intensive therapy of the best kind, that worked in a very unexpected way.  While I expected to be working through feelings about one thing, it turned out to be about something else entirely.
  This class has changed me and changed my life in many ways, as well as bringing many MANY amazing new friends in to my life.  There are times when life gets too busy for me to focus on the work that I've done and I know I need to take a day or two and spend time with it again....but I know if I need them there is always one of these special women there to give me the perfect advice or shoulder to lean on.  They just seem to know what I need to hear.....we have all been through so much....are going through so much...but we know we can open up to each other in total confidence. 

It's a good feeling :)  

We've had a couple of lovely trips to the mountains....








.....and I'm soooo proud of myself!!  Single Mom, furthest I've ever driven on my own before, first time I've ever had to book, plan, pack, drive, and do EVERYTHING myself.....but it was easy peasy....and to be honest it was much more fun and MUCH more relaxing....as we were able to just do what we wanted the whole time....the kids could hang at the pool as long as they liked.....we'd walk in to town...go for drives, hike trails, laze in the hotel room until lunch time....relax in the hot tub until late at night.
And last Summer we met our friends Samantha and Josie....Josh and Jason spent the evening at the hotel with my kids and I went to the pub to watch a live band with samantha and Josie.
These days I don't even think about where I'm going, parking, weather or daylight/ darkness.....what a change considering a year ago I was scared to drive in snow/ ice.....scared to drive after dark....didn't know how to put gas in my truck....and would NEVER drive in to Edmonton - not even really much further than Sherwood Park!!  These days I even drive in to downtown Edmonton!!  West Ed Mall is no problem even in the worst snow storm of the year in the dark in heavy traffic because of two accidents....I DID it.....I have DONE IT....I CAN do it :)  

It's amazing how much more independent I am these days...can't imagine being as dependent as I used to be....how things can change in such a short time!!!  Yet I don't feel all that different!!  I love being able to do so much with the kids though and take them places - and enjoy it soooo much more without someone with us who is constantly looking at their watch ;)  
So freeing :)

I've had a few different styles...




...these are just the ones since Christmas ;)

We got a LOT of snow this Winter.....


...and even though it's officially now Spring, there is more on the way..


The last year has brought me closer to my children....


....than I ever thought possible - despite what we have been through, I can definitely say there has been a LOT more laughter in this house than tears :)  

Life has been an adventure......


......but there is never a dull moment :)

Nov 6, 2010

Facebook

I am not currently blogging but would love to stay in touch with my friends from the blog land/ internet land.  Feel free to add me on facebook.  My name there is Jane Fernandez.  Please say which blog or how I know you just in case I don't recognise you by name ;)

Jane
xxx

Aug 6, 2010

Friday fill ins!!

And...here we go!

1. Life is definitely quite interesting this year - I never know what each day will bring and although it is leaving me exhausted I know I am growing as a person and learning a lot from all of this.

2. Somehow I find the strength to keep going.

3. My last text message (or IM) ended in these three words:It wasn't words, it said:  :( Xooo.

4. A yummy roast is what I'm thinking about for dinner sometime soon.

5. On the 1st day of August Amber started to be really sick again :(

6.It seems like only yesterday that Amber was lively and energetic.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to a quiet night at home with the kids recovering from our emotional day, tomorrow my plans include I have no idea!! and Sunday, I want to join Samantha at the Ukrainian Village while my kids are with their Dad - a child free chance to look around!

Aug 2, 2010

For today......

Outside My Window...  Blue skies, white fluffy clouds and a lovely cool breeze.

I am thinking...  That I need to let go.  I need to move on.  I need to wake up to the fact that he is not the man I was married to.  This new man is not nice, not loving, not thoughtful, not a Dad, not there!!  This weekend was the last straw.  It really comes to something when I am saying that I love him and want him back and our own children are telling me I am stupid and even my 8 year old is asking me why on earth I would want a man who treats me so badly!  My hair stylist was also telling me I was crazy to want him back.  EVERYONE is telling me how stupid I am.  I KNOW this....I know he's an idiot - I know he's horrible and rude and arrogant and selfish and he treats us all terribly and all he thinks about is money and the way he looks and he's obsessed with work and his car.  And I really do know that I'm happier without him and things here are so more relaxed and I'm actually saving money without him and I'm financially better off without him and I'm more independent without him and I have more FUN!!  So WHY???  Why do I still think I need him or want him back????  I'm crazy and stupid :(  Why do I think I love him and want him back?????  Is it habit???  What is it????  He actually just annoys the crap out of me now.  What I really want is the OLD Lloyd....the nice Lloyd.....but he isn't ever coming back and the new Lloyd is complete and utter tosser and arrogant pig who doesn't give a crap about his kids or anyone.  If it wasn't for me he wouldn't even see them.......every two weeks...and then only to go to the movies or bowling which bored the kids silly and meant he didn't have to speak to them.  



Ok....sorry....but this is my blog and I just needed to VENT.......better here than FB lol!!!

I am thankful for...how much we were laughing at 2am this morning after Christie and Sid got back from Big Valley with the girls.....I haven't laughed quite so hard in a long time - and I laugh a LOT!!!  But I was rolling with laughter and crying and thought I was going to pee myself!!  After a difficult evening dealing with Lloyd it was a wonderful release.

From the kitchen... it's Summer, we're out a lot....not much happening in the kitchen apart from fun stuff from the kids....cupcakes in mugs etc etc....ice cream sundaes......lemonade....etc etc...

I am wearing...as always I'm still in bed....so the usual ;)


I am creating...in my head...and that is about it right now.....it's Summer, life is busy....we're out a lot....


I am going...to try book Canmore for the end of the month....if we can fit it in...but life seems to keep getting in the way :(
I am reading...still continuing the same books as last week - haven't had much time to read this week as it's been so busy.....but I have added one more book to the mix 'In Morries Own Words'....

I am hoping...life gets a little quieter soon...and back to normal.


I am hearing... the children playing in their bedroom....Danika playing with Sam.....Susannah being grouchy after two late nights....the breeze through the window...

Around the house... dog hair from Sugar....clutter....mess....I'm too busy much of the time to get caught up.  Lloyd has agreed to send in cleaners weekly after I complained that he does nothing to help and has left me with EVERYTHING to do - a house to renovate, the kids, the acreage, the animals everything!!  He doesn't even see the kids very often - every two weeks for a few hours - never even overnight!!  So instead of actually putting in any effort himself he said he'd send in a cleaner.  Fine!!!  Whatever!!

One of my favorite things... sitting on my bed with my laptop.  Its where I relax.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week... no idea.  I'm not planning....i'll take it as it comes - but I just hope life is going to be quieter, get back to normal and slow down.  I need peace.




Jul 30, 2010

Thursday....


Yesterday was really hot so last night Sam and Abby headed off to the splashpark with Daddy to cool off - they had a great time!!!  :)

While they were gone I had my weekly night out at the pub quiz with Samantha...thank you to her Mom for treating me to dinner last night!!!

Naughty Samantha left a note for the guys at the table behind us - they had been looking at us all night and eyeing us up....so she left a note for them saying we were samantha and Jane and were there most weeks and looked forward to seeing them again...and as she walked out the guy smiled and she waved!!  omg!!  What is she like!!  Not a week seems to by without some guy or guys coming to join us lol!!  Sigh...mind you last week it was a 22 year old!!!!!  lol!!



Birch Bay Ranch - Summer Camp 2010

The girls had a fabulous time at camp last week....spending the week riding horses, playing games, learning songs around the camp fire, eating Belgian waffles and having beach parties....crafts, ziplining, obstacle courses and soooo much fresh air that they were both very tanned and were very tired.  A whole week with no tv and no computers and gadgets was wonderful for them :)  They looked healthy and happy and had made new friends :)











Friday fill ins!!

And...here we go!

1. I'm going to give Susannah and Laurence and Jessica HUGE hugs when I see them today!! Each for different reasons but they each need them and so do I!!

2. Being single friends with Samantha is full of adventure and daring. Hahahahaha!!

3. Perhaps today you can make it a point To post on someones facebook wall how much they mean to you!!  Wouldn't that be a lovely thing to do???

4. My friend Christie has a true adventurer’s spirit.

5. The dew of Compassion is a tear. (Lord Byron)

6. I will help her sort this sad situation out no matter how difficult.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to picking Laurence up from camp and seeing him rock climb/ zipline, tomorrow my plans include having my hair cut and Sunday, I want to see what the kids want to do and see what the day brings!
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