1. Accept things as they are for now. Do not do this with sighing, but with tears. You are always and forever longing, and this is no crime. In your acceptance of things as they are, include the way you are, with your wide expansive heart, your unspeakable ways of knowing.
2. Give yourself beauty and quiet. Just one night in one room that feels like a womb will be enough. There you will feel the sweet release of grief and also the knowledge that you came this far for a reason. Embrace it all in the stillness. There is no shame in this.
3. Hold hands. Anyone’s will do. Small children are amenable to this as are older people and sometimes strangers you meet on the side of the road looking for rides or reassurance or just five dollars to get home to their imaginary mothers. Examine these hands, they are holding your heart, if only for a moment. Soak it up.
4. Listen to music. Take your time with this. Linger. This is why we have poets and singers, to make us feel not so alone. To remind us we are all together in our wanderings. Be plaintive, broken or self-righteous & unreasonable. No one has to know about your silly playlists, so go ahead, whatever suits you. In time, your songs will be cheerier, and you can be happy with those songs, too.
5. Get lost. Allow yourself the indulgence of not having it all figured out, of not keeping yourself under such tight lock and key. Wander through city streets. Walk the other way on the one way. Decide not to ask for directions and keep driving anyway. Take a bus to nowhere.
6. Say you are sorry. Acknowledge that you blew it, first of all to yourself. Let your forgiveness be complete before you say one word to the other. Then lay your heart out in total, unashamed honesty. You can be loved even in this.
7. Buy one loaf of fresh baked organic bread. Self-righteously purchase the most expensive organic eggs. Moral superiority around eating is one of life’s under-reported pleasures. Go ahead, pretend you care. Savor your bites with the delicacy of a queen’s palette.
8. Let go of self-loathing. This mess of your life is your life. No one else’s. It’s possible to regard your frailty and blindnesses with compassion. Regard yourself with the same gentleness you would reserve for your favorite four year old. Because you’re still four somewhere and you need the big you to tell the little you it’s really going to be okay, that your needs need not be ignored. That your failings are honest, necessary episodes on the road to growth.
9. Love the ones you love. With great affection. Without shame or explanation. Be demonstrative. Say I miss you. I need you. You are everything to me. Let your eyes show how much you mean it. If the loved one you love is left or gone missing, say it anyway, out loud in your kitchen. It’ll work just as well, swear.
10. Say when enough is enough. Draw a tender line around your heart and acknowledge that only the most gentle of souls may enter there. It’s okay to wait until you feel solid and secure and more like yourself before opening the door of your heart.
Bonus #11: Give in. Loosen the grip on the way you think things have to be. Follow someone else’s lead. Let go of having your way. Just for a day.
