My friend Christie sent this to me this afternoon and I thought it was hilarious! I swear this letter could have been written by me ;)
Dear Kotex:
I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my pantiliner had a bunch of
"Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such as:
* Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
* Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
* Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh.
* Try Kotex blah blah blah other products...
Obviously the individual behind this was someone who has never possessed a
functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman that
drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh. Like we need
more fluid inside our bloated bodies from hell... but go ahead... I
triple-dog-friggin-dare-ya... See what happens and report back. I'll wait.
While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate
from the vending machine. I garan-friggin-tee that the first responders will
be females who just ovulated.
Staying active will relieve headaches & cramps...well guess what, the only
activities that interest me are eating..sleeping..bitching.. or crying for
no apparent reason... and oh... does ripping someone's head off count as a
friggin' activity?????
Look, females don't need or want tips for living on their feminine hygiene
products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that from
elderly relatives. Veteran females have concocted their own recipes for
survival, many containing alcohol & barbituates.
Printing out crappy advice while sneaking in ads for the brand that was
already purchased is just plain annoying, not to mention rude, and is enough
to send a consumers running to the Always brand.
It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or
bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or packaging. Put the crap
in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and have
it blend in among the wine and beer.
There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package
announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store. Why don't ya just
add an in-store microphone to the dang package to announce that... Helloooo,
another female in the store is on the rag!!!!!
P.S.
How about adding a free sample of Pamprin & maybe a shot of Bourbon to your
packages instead!!!
2 days ago
