Fed up

I think I just give up. I do not feel festive . I do not feel Christmasy. We have watched a few movies. We have been to Brightnights. We have been to a few parties. We have made some crafts, been to the concerts...but it all feels false. It all feels as though it was only last month that we did this last time. The year went so fast. And so many bad things have happened to so many good people this year that it seems kind of wrong.

And all this present business. That seems wrong too. People asked for a list of my wants and I didn't have any. Lloyd asked me what I wanted and I didn't know. The kids didn't know. Lloyd didn't know. So many people around me have nothing. People have lost children, died, divorced....people are sick. My house is falling apart (but at least I have one right????) :(

Last night I was wrapping gifts but to be honest it all feels forced. I could really do without it. I feel like I am having to be given gifts and having to give gifts on Thursday because I am being told to. Because someone else is saying Thursday is THE day you HAVE to. I don't need anything. I don't think ANYONE around me NEEDS anything but its Christmas day so you damn well WILL get STUFF!!! It's disgusting and sad when you think about it :( and I could do without it really but I don't know how to stop it :(

I really don't want any gifts - I know I have some - and I know I'll love them because of how thoughtful Lloyd is and how much thought he puts into things despite me not writing a list. But right now I feel like the Mr Krank and I could quite happily skip Christmas and go right on to New Year. Goodbye 2008. Hello 2009. I really REALLY hope you are a better year for a great deal of people!!!