For today......

Outside My Window...  Blue skies, white fluffy clouds and a lovely cool breeze.

I am thinking...  That I need to let go.  I need to move on.  I need to wake up to the fact that he is not the man I was married to.  This new man is not nice, not loving, not thoughtful, not a Dad, not there!!  This weekend was the last straw.  It really comes to something when I am saying that I love him and want him back and our own children are telling me I am stupid and even my 8 year old is asking me why on earth I would want a man who treats me so badly!  My hair stylist was also telling me I was crazy to want him back.  EVERYONE is telling me how stupid I am.  I KNOW this....I know he's an idiot - I know he's horrible and rude and arrogant and selfish and he treats us all terribly and all he thinks about is money and the way he looks and he's obsessed with work and his car.  And I really do know that I'm happier without him and things here are so more relaxed and I'm actually saving money without him and I'm financially better off without him and I'm more independent without him and I have more FUN!!  So WHY???  Why do I still think I need him or want him back????  I'm crazy and stupid :(  Why do I think I love him and want him back?????  Is it habit???  What is it????  He actually just annoys the crap out of me now.  What I really want is the OLD Lloyd....the nice Lloyd.....but he isn't ever coming back and the new Lloyd is complete and utter tosser and arrogant pig who doesn't give a crap about his kids or anyone.  If it wasn't for me he wouldn't even see them.......every two weeks...and then only to go to the movies or bowling which bored the kids silly and meant he didn't have to speak to them.  


Ok....sorry....but this is my blog and I just needed to VENT.......better here than FB lol!!!

I am thankful for...how much we were laughing at 2am this morning after Christie and Sid got back from Big Valley with the girls.....I haven't laughed quite so hard in a long time - and I laugh a LOT!!!  But I was rolling with laughter and crying and thought I was going to pee myself!!  After a difficult evening dealing with Lloyd it was a wonderful release.

From the kitchen... it's Summer, we're out a lot....not much happening in the kitchen apart from fun stuff from the kids....cupcakes in mugs etc etc....ice cream sundaes......lemonade....etc etc...

I am wearing...as always I'm still in bed....so the usual ;)


I am creating...in my head...and that is about it right now.....it's Summer, life is busy....we're out a lot....


I am going...to try book Canmore for the end of the month....if we can fit it in...but life seems to keep getting in the way :(
I am reading...still continuing the same books as last week - haven't had much time to read this week as it's been so busy.....but I have added one more book to the mix 'In Morries Own Words'....

I am hoping...life gets a little quieter soon...and back to normal.


I am hearing... the children playing in their bedroom....Danika playing with Sam.....Susannah being grouchy after two late nights....the breeze through the window...

Around the house... dog hair from Sugar....clutter....mess....I'm too busy much of the time to get caught up.  Lloyd has agreed to send in cleaners weekly after I complained that he does nothing to help and has left me with EVERYTHING to do - a house to renovate, the kids, the acreage, the animals everything!!  He doesn't even see the kids very often - every two weeks for a few hours - never even overnight!!  So instead of actually putting in any effort himself he said he'd send in a cleaner.  Fine!!!  Whatever!!

One of my favorite things... sitting on my bed with my laptop.  Its where I relax.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week... no idea.  I'm not planning....i'll take it as it comes - but I just hope life is going to be quieter, get back to normal and slow down.  I need peace.

Thursday....

Yesterday was really hot so last night Sam and Abby headed off to the splashpark with Daddy to cool off - they had a great time!!!  :)

While they were gone I had my weekly night out at the pub quiz with Samantha...thank you to her Mom for treating me to dinner last night!!!

Naughty Samantha left a note for the guys at the table behind us - they had been looking at us all night and eyeing us up....so she left a note for them saying we were samantha and Jane and were there most weeks and looked forward to seeing them again...and as she walked out the guy smiled and she waved!!  omg!!  What is she like!!  Not a week seems to by without some guy or guys coming to join us lol!!  Sigh...mind you last week it was a 22 year old!!!!!  lol!!

Birch Bay Ranch - Summer Camp 2010

The girls had a fabulous time at camp last week....spending the week riding horses, playing games, learning songs around the camp fire, eating Belgian waffles and having beach parties....crafts, ziplining, obstacle courses and soooo much fresh air that they were both very tanned and were very tired.  A whole week with no tv and no computers and gadgets was wonderful for them :)  They looked healthy and happy and had made new friends :)

Friday fill ins!!

And...here we go!

1. I'm going to give Susannah and Laurence and Jessica HUGE hugs when I see them today!! Each for different reasons but they each need them and so do I!!

2. Being single friends with Samantha is full of adventure and daring. Hahahahaha!!

3. Perhaps today you can make it a point To post on someones facebook wall how much they mean to you!!  Wouldn't that be a lovely thing to do???

4. My friend Christie has a true adventurer’s spirit.

5. The dew of Compassion is a tear. (Lord Byron)

6. I will help her sort this sad situation out no matter how difficult.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to picking Laurence up from camp and seeing him rock climb/ zipline, tomorrow my plans include having my hair cut and Sunday, I want to see what the kids want to do and see what the day brings!

Amber and Rosie keeping cool on the porch...

Such a sense of style ;)

Graysie

Friday fill-ins!!

And...here we go!

1. I feel confused about a few things and not sure what to do.  I have to make some big decisions that effect other people and I really don't know what to do.

2. I'd love to find Faith, Mandy and Becky on FB to catch up.

3. Do I follow my head or my heart?

4. I like friends who are completely unique I think that's what attracts me to people. I don't like sheep.  I don't like those women who follow the crowd and try to keep up with their neighbours and be like everyone else.  If you want to be friends with me be yourself - be who you are - be unique :)
5. It's hard to know how much to hold back...to say....not to say....

6. The dark clouds roll in and the thunder follows suit.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to Going to camp to pick up my girls, enjoy the family BBQ and watch them ride the horses to show their new skills, tomorrow my plans include many things - a busy day!!  and Sunday, Lloyd has the children all afternoon, then I plan to take Laurence to camp and then go to A Taste of Edmonton with Darren and maybe the children!

The list...

From High In The Sky .......


Have I ever:
1. Seen The Terracotta Army in China - No - never even heard of it (??? sigh I'm dumb lol)
2. Cross stitched a sampler - yes..well I've started several but never finished any...I find cross stitching boring, but I have been given two stunning cross stitched samplers by friends and LOVE them!!
3. Kept a friend for more than 20 years - several - and they are very special :)
4. Made your own jam - yes - and I will be doing it again in a few weeks as I want to go and pick more Saskatoon berries with the kids - it was so much fun last year :)  Anyone want to join us????
5. Seen the Crown Jewels in The Tower Of London - Yes!!!!  :)  I love sparkly things :)
6. Attended a school reunion and enjoyed it No - I missed the reunion a couple of years ago but it was fun seeing the pictures and catching up with everyone on the group on faceboook!!
7. Kissed the Blarney Stone - YES!!  :)  on a trip to Ireland with my friends Siddick and Azaad when we stayed with Maressa and her family :)
8. Learned how to tap dance - No although my daughters have tried to teach me a little and every year when I watch the adult group at Rachelles school I think about joining the following year!!
9. Seen one of the Wonders Of The Ancient World - no
10. Ridden a tandem bicycle - no but I have always wanted to!!!
11. Commissioned a piece of furniture - yes
12. Sold for profit something you made yourself - photography - does that count?  
13. Seen Sydney Opera House - no but I'd quite like to.
14. Walked up the outside of a volcano - well an extinct one - Edinburgh castle is built on an extinct volcano ;)
15. Met an idol - yes - Daryl Benson - the photographer...and he signed my book and talked to me about photography for ages...
16. Found or sent a message in a bottle - yes - years ago on a beach in Dorset.
17. Held a stranger's hand, just because they needed you - yes....many times.  
18. Thought you might have seen a ghost - I haven't seen a ghost but I have felt and heard one - the house I lived in was built in 1901 and was most definitely haunted....the ghost favoured females and was very comforting.  I felt a hand on my shoulder one evening..and heard someone yell 'Sssshhhh' down the hallway.  Another evening I heard heavy footsteps walk across the floor upstairs.  My Son said an old 'yellow lady' would visit him in his room...he drew pictures of her and thought of her as his friend...
19. Been caught speeding - yes - doing over 100 in a construction zone with workers present...but I didn't realise it and I apologised and the police officer was very kind and let me off.
20. Won a bet only with friends/ family....
21. Visited a penpal I've met penpals - like I met Lianne who became my best friend when I moved to Stockport - she had been my penpal first.
22. Published a poem - no but my stories and articles have been published.
23. Had your appendix removed -no but I'm told it might have to be at some point.
24. Pierced an interesting part of your body - no - I leave THAT for Christie ;)
25. Seen your name in lights - no
26. Had a handsome man buy you Champagne - my husband :)
27. Had tea at The Ritz - No....Harrods...Hamleys...plenty of other places in London but not The Ritz...walked by it a hundred times though...
28. Found a peacock feather yes...and have watched an Irish Setter attack one by the river on dartmoor :(
29. Made a collection of more than 50 objects keyrings, badges, bits of Victorian china, rubber stamps, books, ATC's,
30. Crossed The Equator - no
31. Partied through til breakfast - yes
32. Found a fossil - yes....
33. Seen The Northern Lights - yes...several times from our backyard...I used to go out on the back deck and sit and watch them for ages...and I used to get an email sent to me that told me when they were going to be quite bright....I would love to travel further north and seem them brighter than they are here...I think they are amazing....when we were at the old house there was a year when they were amazingly bright.....I haven't seen them like that since though.....I guess the solar flares go in phases...
34. Built your own house- well, not exactly - we had a house built for us in Scotland, we had a house built for us in Sherwood Park...and we had a big addition built onto the back of this house - that we partially designed.
35. Started a Mexican Wave - no and I'd feel an idiot taking part in one!!
36. Judged a competition - a few times with the kids and I don't like doing it so I always make sure there is a prize for everyone.
37. Flown in a hot air balloon - no but I'd like to - but not over Edmonton - I'd like to fly in one over an African safari!!!!  I think that would be amazing :)
38. Spent too much money on something you've only worn once - Not really...
39. Scored an own goal - no
40. Appeared on live tv - no
41. Asked for your money back - yes although I normally exchange things - and I don't do that often!!
42. Had your photo taken with someone famous - I think so when I was a child - several people...but I can't remember who....
43. Grown your hair long enough to sit on - no but it has been all down my back...
44. Been locked in somewhere overnight, or long enough for it to start getting scary - no
45. Found something valuable and made sure it was returned to its rightful owner - a dog and we took it to the police station..
46. Taken part in some kind of endurance event or attempt - not an endurance attempt but I ran the 5k Run for the Cure a couple of years back...
47. Driven from one end of your country to the other - Yes - England/ Scotland.  I had no choice lol as I lived in Scotland and Lloyds parents lived in the South of England!!  I'd like to do the same in Canada from East - West like on the movie One Week.
48. Been publicly recognised for bravery or special community service - no
49. Gone out on the town in an outfit you've made entirely on your own -omg no - thankfully!!  It would all fall apart and I'd end up walking along naked!!!!
So, what have you done from this list???

For today......

Outside My Window... the crows are noisy, they were born here last year and have returned.....I feed them every day on the bird table and they are sooooo greedy :)  but I think they're beautiful :)

I am thinking...about my friends and hoping they get good news this morning.  About the mess I have to clear up downstairs - and that I need coffee before I face it!!  That tonight I get to sleep in one of my favourite places....in the most comfortable arms I've ever been held in :)

I am thankful for...My friends Christie and Sid and for all they have done over recent weeks - and for Sid for painting my room last night....and the way they've educated my Son (hahahahha)....That Rosie,Amber and Chewy all survived the coyotes on Sunday night......for the bits and pieces I picked up at the thrift store yesterday.....that Abby was so excited to go to camp and the weather has been fine so far!!

From the kitchen...I've been making proper suppers more...making use of the crockpot...even keeping leftovers and with visitors here we've been socializing in the kitchen a lot..sitting round the island and chatting etc etc....

I am wearing...my red little nighty that has polka dots on it....

I am creating...a lovely home....my room is almost finished now - I want to sand down the furniture and white wash it - and maybe even the floor.....then it will look so calm and beautiful.  I am loving how it looks so far!!!!  :)  
I need to do the hallway.....the brown is horrible - and finish the stairs.

I am going...to see Darren tonight :)  to pub quiz on Thursday!!  To take Rosie to the vets on Friday.  To pick the girls up from camp on Friday night....to have my oldest Son to stay on Friday and Saturday.....to A Taste of Edmonton next week before Darren heads back to work.....and then again before it ends with Tess I hope!!  
I am reading...two fiction and two non fiction books but I haven't had time to look at them for days...

I am hoping...my phone rings soon with some good news from my friends...that the registry still has my certificate.....that I am organized enough to get to the bank today....

I am hearing... Laurence coming upstairs with my coffee followed by Rosie close behind...

Around the house...hanging out with Laurence and Sam and our visitors Christie and Sid.....the girls are at camp so the house seems quieter than normal.....we all do our own thing during the day or potter about or run errands or whatever...in the evening we watch movies or chat or hang in my room and chat....and laugh and watch videos on youtube which leads to telling stories which leads to endless laughter!!!

One of my favorite things...putting money in my savings account...and in my little jars and seeing it add up...but  its frustrating me that I owe a certain someone first :(

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week...pub quiz, getting Rosies drains removed at the vet, Getting the girls from camp, taking Laurence to camp, Samanthas family BBQ.

Sam's new shoes.....

Nice :)

Poor Rosie...

Poor Rosie was attacked by coyotes last night and ended up having to be rushed to the emergency vets in Edmonton (thank you Christie and Sid)!!!

She had a huge puncture wound that had to be checked in surgery because she wasn't putting weight on her leg and they were worried about muscle damage.  She has two drains and has to stay indoors until Friday when the drains come out....My poor girly......she is on a lot of different meds at all different times of day....she is really not herself and seems quite aggressive :(  poor thing.  

Off to camp!!!

The girls went to camp yesterday - Lloyd met us there so he could see the girls rooms and see them settled in - we had supper there and made sure they got the beds they wanted in their dorms.  Abigail had been excited for DAYS!!!!  So far the weather has been good for them - not fabulous but dry - with just the odd shower at night......I hope it stays that way for the most part!!!  They did forecast heavy rain for the first three days but that seems to have missed us!  

I hope they have a wonderful time this week with the horses and all the other fun things they do at camp :)

Snuggling up with Caleb...

Yesterday while Christie and Sid were out for a little while I got to snuggle on the bed with Caleb...we had a bag of plastic animals and he liked playing with the scorpion and spider.....and the dinosaurs...Caleb took a real shine to Susannah this weekend and they were inseparable...he followed her everywhere and cuddled into her by the fire last night.....he was even giving her kisses :)

Hair cuts for the dogs....

Christie and Sid have been here staying for the weekend and while they were here they shaved the dogs....their dog Chewy, and our dog Rosie....Rosie was very matted from going in the pond so often, so she needed to be shaved right down...she is now sooooo soft and looks like a sheep :) 

Now hopefully we can control her fur and keep her coat groomed better.

Thank you Christie and Sid!!!