Right now Susannah is on stage singing the opening song for the school talent show...in front of the whole school AND parents......I should be there...I COULD be there....but I'm not :( And I feel really bad :(
Yesterday Laurence was in a play that he had been rehearsing for for weeks. I couldn't be there because I was volunteering at preschool.....it was Abigails last day of preschool and they had the big picnic/ slide show etc and I knew it would be my last chance to ask questions etc before September when I take over.
Unfortunately because I wasn't there yesterday (and let Laurie down) I feel like I can't be there today for Susannah. Laurie is very much the 'middle child' and always notices every little thing we do for the others and sees it as a sign we love them more.....and no it doesn't matter that I do things with JUST him...or that I try and make up for it so I do the same for them all in the end.....
The other week I took the children out for breakfast......Laurie knew we were going but chose to sleep over at his friends instead - his choice...but he hasn't forgotten that all the others went out for breakfast and he didn't......
He doesn't get cross about it - just sad and makes you feel so guilty!
I'm rambling! So anyway...I am thinking of Susannah who was probably so so nervous and is now (at 12:35pm) very relieved to be finished but very proud I hope) and I hope it all went well for her and I can't wait to hear about it.....
And sometimes I just wish this parenting stuff was easier :(
I've probably done the wrong thing and should have gone today. Its too late now. Its the choice I made. I'm sure this time next year (next month?) it really won't matter.....but today I'm really sorry to not be there).
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